SHE KNEW

   Tracing her fingers over her dry, cracked lips, Mary let the unsoothing dry-cold air of harmattan hit her bony shoulders as she stood in front of her balcony that early morning. She studied the reflection that stared back at her from the small mirror she held with lifeless, tired eyes laced with dark circles beneath, cheek bones so prominent, they could slice a tuber of yam and skin, a mixture of dehydration and struggling sebum. She knew. 

   She knew she hadn't been sleeping well as she should, she hadn't been eating well too, her bony structure could testify. What exactly had gone wrong with her? When had all of these started?

    She knew that it wasn't just her physique that connected well with the dry weather, she also felt that emptyness and dryness in her soul. It wasn't like she didn't have "love" surrounding her. She had friends who checked on her regularly, a loving spouse, two kids who were presently in school but she still felt empty and alone. There was a vacuum the largest of love she got couldn't fill. There was an unrest in her spirit that took away her sleep, there was a longing food couldn't satisfy. 

    She stepped back inside the much warmer sitting room , picked up her phone and went through the recent missed calls from the fellowship. She'd dropped all about 'faith' and 'God' since two years ago and these people never thought to call her so why now?. It couldn't possibly be God right? He didn't care about her then, why would he care now that everything seemed perfect except she knew that everything was far from perfect. 

    'Hello' she called as she picked the call that just came in. 'I am not interested', her voice came sharply few seconds later and she hung up, fuming. Not long after she hung up, 'strange' guilt clouded her heart and she had to scream, tears pouring down her face as she rushed to the bathroom. The bathroom mirror, big enough to expose her sorry state. "God!!! Is that you?!!, Why have you chosen to punish me now?! After all these years, why now?!!! Leave me alone!!". 

   "I will never leave you, nor forsake you. I have never, I will never" came a voice or perhaps a thought that impressed itself so strongly in her mind. The phone rang again and with a deep breath, she picked it. "Hello", she called more softly. 

"Hello Mary, This is Grace. I just called to let you know that He loves you" and the call ended.

    Had Grace changed as well? Had God arrested Grace and was about to arrest her too? Was that why she felt empty because she'd been starved of Him? 

     Mary shut her eyes there and then in the sitting room. "God, I miss you..." She broke down in tears. 

    St Augustine implied that we were created by God for God and there is a natural connection to him that creates a restlessness in our spirits until we find our place in Him again. Find your place in God. He never left, He never will.